Let’s be frank.  Beauty is skin deep.  It is wonderful to have an inner glow and an inner child but truck drivers don’t honk and men don’t fall to their knees over the first glimpse of a woman’s soul.  I have a beautiful soul and a pretty cute inner child but I’m a shallow person nonetheless.  I want to be perfect and young and drop dead beautiful forever.  I am honest.  Anyone who says that being ugly is AOK is just plain lying.

So I’m having some issues right now.  For one, I have a tube hanging out my side.  At it’s end is a lovely plastic locket filled with my blood and lymphatic fluid.  Feel free to throw up in your mouth now because I do regularly these days over that thing.  It is literally impossible to conceal under garments.  I am forced to walk around the house (mingling with the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen) with this jewel-like medical accessory peeking out of from under my t-shirt.  No amount of concealer, make-up or breast reconstruction can trump that thing.  I’m thoroughly fed up.   If I weren’t me, I’d mutter nasty  things under my breath at ME.  Things like, “ew, put that thing away”, or  “holy shit, where is the bathroom, i need to wash my hands”.

On Monday, the tube is to be removed.  I’m hoping I can overcome the medical stereotypes this thing has cursed me with.  I hope I can go once more to Target and buy cute bras and matching panties and that they will blind Trent in such a way that my medical nastiness can never be recalled again. I hope I can feel beautiful again one day.  You know, that shallow, skin deep, I’ve spent $75 on retinol cream, kind of beauty.  The kind of beauty that screams I have an inner child and a deep wonderful soul but I am too beautiful to care!

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