It turns out the phrase “take only as directed” is actually an instruction and not a suggestion. 

Who knew? 

I have unused (as in undigested, unsmoked, uncooked) narcotics in my house.  Don’t tell me the red sea didn’t part because miracles do happen every day and this is one of them. 

I am going to flush the wad of muscle relaxers and opiates down the toilet tonight.  I would do it now if I didn’t live with Paul Bunyon who conveniently placed some of them in a semi-reachable, highly precarious location. 

All day long I have been fantasizing about watching all the pills swirling down the toilet to be sucked into the sewer where they will dissolve and be impotent forevermore.  

I can’t wait!!!