I am impatient by nature.  I always have been and probably always will be.  I do not want to take time out of my busy day much less busy life for cancer, for surgery or for recovery from surgery.  

Every second I waste thinking about cancer or feeling unwell as a result of surgery feels like one more thing I have lost.  I feel unprepared currently to lose anything else so I push onward craving more time with Trent, more time with friends, more time shopping, more time in meetings, etc. 

Not surprisingly, I have lost all sense of balance.  I had surgery 2 and a half weeks ago and want all the pain and discomfort to be gone now.  I want the pain and discomfort to go away while I continue to live my life as though nothing traumatic has happened to me. 

I am feeling tired today.  I am supremely uncomfortable.  I am going to rest tonight and maybe tomorrow.  I am going to slow down enough to have a good cry and let out some of the emotional pain that I have held in for a few days.  After that, I’m going to love my dog and love my man and start over tomorrow and hopefully balance myself on the beam a little better.