Today I saw my breast surgeon.  I sat for the third time in the biopsy room at the Breast Center at Kaiser.  My first two visits there were traumatic.  Today I put on the ridiculous paper vest that opens to the front and is actually cropped (WTF?) and showed the doctor my perfectly healed breasts. 

We talked about how lucky I was to get such a great cosmetic result and how well I have healed.  We talked about the fact that I will go through chemo and lose my hair.  We laughed about how many times I have emailed him and how he has been kind enough to respond to me every time.  I told him how terrified I was that I would end up being diagnosed at stage iv because that is what happened to my mother.  Finally, we smiled at each other and we shook hands and agreed to see each other in SIX MONTHS!!

I have another post operative appointment in two weeks with the plastic surgeon and then we can call put the mastectomy episode a wrap.  This has been very difficult but I have done it and that gives me some courage to go on to chemo, the next step in this journey. 

I had cancer for years and didn’t know it.  Today, though, I don’t have cancer and I know it.  Chemotherapy is to kill any isolated tumor cells that may remain.  It will be a long, hard six months worth of safeguarding my future. 

I’m willing to fight a little harder and a little longer.  Yesterday Trent and I picked out our wedding bands.  We are planning on and counting on our future and something tells me that doing that ensures that we will have one.

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