The last few days have been so emotional for me.  I have just cried and cried and cried. 

I had a slight reprieve from the enormity of cancer for a few weeks.  I have felt some post-mastectomy discomfort.  I have felt some fear and sadness.  I have gone to doctor appointments.  However, I have not had anything enormous, new, and life-shattering occur as a result of cancer for few weeks.  It has been delicious and is about to end. 

Tomorrow morning I will wake up, get dressed, and go to Kaiser.  I will stop at the pharmacy and pick up the many prescriptions that are sitting there for waiting for me.  I will then go to the infusion room and begin the first of four treatments. 

I am horrified, terrified, and angry that I have to do this.  As I hold out my arm, I will know that I am acquiescing and granting permission for cancer to take my hair.  In this fight for my life, I feel so often that I am surrendering more and more things to cancer.  

I am going to move forward again into yet another unknown.  Tomorrow I’ll get one treatment down and there will be three to go, then there will be two and then only one.  Bit by bit, I will complete this race.

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