I woke up this morning and ran my fingers through my already way too short hair and gobs of hair came out in my hands.  I had promised myself that when that happened, I would shave it.

I went to Great Clips and asked for them to shave it and the woman thought I would be too traumatized and chose to give me a #3 buzz cut (whatever the hell THAT means) instead.  I am not sure how I feel about this because it still needs to go shorter.  However, I took her advice and left a smidge of length on my hair for now.

I decided to do this yesterday so I shed the bulk of the tears then.  This is something I truly didn’t want to do but like my first haircut, it is so much better than letting cancer rob me of my hair strand by strand, clump by clump.  I got to make a decision today and there is a gift in that. 

Trent went rafting this weekend which means I get to stay home and watch television and cuddle with my dog alone.  Trent loves this trip and it is an annual event for him.  I am thrilled beyond words that cancer and/or chemo didn’t rob this from him.  I am going to stay home and watch movies and use the alone time to get used to my new head, to pray, and to let the unconditional love of my dog heal me. 

As I looked at the picture I took for this post, I was surprised by my reaction.  I didn’t cringe.  I didn’t look away.  I don’t like the way it looks as far as beauty goes but I do like the fact that it makes me look tougher than I feel.  I have been a warrior for months now but today as I looked at the above picture, I finally saw the warrior that lives inside me.

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