cousin karen, this is for you!!

Below is a brief recount of the romance that is mine and Trent’s.

B’shert (pronounced bashert) is a hebrew word with the following definition:  One’s predestined soulmate; preordained, fated.

Ten years ago, Trent walked into a recovery meeting in Tucker, Georgia, to begin a new way of life.  Four and a half years ago, I walked into the same recovery meeting in Tucker, Georgia to begin a new way of life.  We were born exactly ten days apart in 1965 and at age 44 our paths finally crossed.

For my first two years in the program, I focused on only my recovery.  I had to recover in body first and then my mind and spirit.  I lived in a halfway house for sixteen months and during that time I only went to work, did stepwork, and went to meetings.   My sponsor told me early on that I needed to work the steps and learn about myself and my worth before I started dating.  I followed her advice and when I was ready to finally date again, I joined on online dating site.

The online dating did NOT go well.  I met two people who were nice enough but totally incompatible and one absolute lunatic.  The lunatic frightened me pretty badly.  I was so freaked out by him that I took myself off the site and decided dating was not in my immediate future.

Meanwhile, Trent had noticed me and was looking for an opportunity to ask me out.  One night, as I was rushing to leave to get to my car, he called out to me and we stood and talked by my car.  He asked me to have coffee with him sometime and then for my phone number.  As  he plugged my number into his phone, I noticed his fingernails were painted BLACK.  I looked up in shock and saw he also had an eyebrow ring.  The nails scared me.  The eyebrow ring scared me.  I was afraid of him.  I was NOT going to coffee.

Trent called.  He left me a message asking me to have coffee with him.  I didn’t return the call.  Trent called again.  And again.  And again.  In the meantime, I had coffee with my friend, Liz.  We started talking about dating and I told her about Trent and his persistence.  She said she knew him and that he was a great guy.  She said I should go.  Trent called again.  I didn’t pick up the phone.

One day I was on the phone with Laurie and was talking about it to her.  I was annoyed by the phone calls.  I said, “what the hell do I have to do to get rid of this guy.  He literally will NOT stop calling me”.  Laurie told me I needed to call him back.  She told me not returning his calls was rude and that I should probably open my mind and have coffee with him.  I said, “I am NOT calling him back”.  And she said, “Ok. If you can live with it”. 

Since I was determined not to talk to him or date him, I started avoiding the meetings I knew Trent went to.  I dove back in my step work and was in the middle of my ninth step.  A friend from the halfway house called and asked me to meet her at the meeting Trent attends religiously.  It was important to her and I went. 

I remember seeing him walk in that night and he saw me and smiled.  I had been rude, mean, and unkind to him because I thought black fingernails equalled domestic violence and despite all of that, he smiled at me.  I saw kindness and gentleness in his smile.  I saw a nice guy and I could no longer live with ignoring his phone calls.

After the meeting, with my heart racing, I asked him if we could talk.  I told him about the bad experience I had dating previously and made amends for prejudging him, not returning his calls and treating him badly.  I asked him if he would have coffee with me if I was ever ready to date again. 

I have a very strong extra-sensory perception.  I know things.  This sounds completely insane and I’m aware of that but it is true.  I can’t explain it other than to say that G-d taps on my shoulder as if to say, “pay attention, THIS is life changing”.  I do not get this feeling often but when I do, I listen to it.

One morning in a meeting, I was early and reading something on the wall.  It was a typed piece of paper and as I looked at it for a second all I saw was Trent’s name.  His name was jumping off the page at me.  It was not ordinary and not normal.  It was one of the  moments I described above.  It was not of this world and not something I could ignore.  It was G-d tapping me on my shoulder again.  I KNEW from that moment that Trent was someone who would be monumental in my life. 

I called him and we went for coffee and we started dating and we fell in love.  And from almost the beginning, I took a journal a friend had given me and wrote our story in it.  I wanted to record our relationship in black and white so that I could look back on it and see why his name flew off the page at me. 

Of course, now I know why G-d tapped me on the shoulder and why his name jumped off the page at me.  Trent is my b’shert.  And I am his.

And I have my proof in black and white that G-d works.  On May 3, 2008, my journal entry says, “why did Trent’s name jump off that page?”.  On June 16, 2008, it says “Told Trent I’m in love with him.  B’shert!”.