I am supposed to start taking tamoxifen in a week.  That is the estrogen blocker.  Let me tell you how UNprepared emotionally I feel about that!!!  Completely and utterly unprepared.  It is supposedly a five-year treatment.  I keep looking at it like OMG I can’t do that for five years.  And then,

It occurred to me.  I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do.  I can commit to maybe trying it out.  If my whole world falls apart, I can rethink the whole thing. 

This shit is just as scary to me as chemo; maybe scarier.  I am a girl.  I think I kind of love my estrogen.  Well, except for the fact that it could kill me.

ARGH.  I so want to just walk away and do nothing.  But,

I wanted to walk away and do nothing when I heard the word cancer but look at me now.  I have had the cancer removed surgically and have had chemo too.  I didn’t walk away.  I did the hard stuff.  I’ll probably do this next hard thing too.

Kicking and screaming all the way…