I am supposed to start taking tamoxifen in a week. That is the estrogen blocker. Let me tell you how UNprepared emotionally I feel about that!!! Completely and utterly unprepared. It is supposedly a five-year treatment. I keep looking at it like OMG I can’t do that for five years. And then,
It occurred to me. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I can commit to maybe trying it out. If my whole world falls apart, I can rethink the whole thing.
This shit is just as scary to me as chemo; maybe scarier. I am a girl. I think I kind of love my estrogen. Well, except for the fact that it could kill me.
ARGH. I so want to just walk away and do nothing. But,
I wanted to walk away and do nothing when I heard the word cancer but look at me now. I have had the cancer removed surgically and have had chemo too. I didn’t walk away. I did the hard stuff. I’ll probably do this next hard thing too.
Kicking and screaming all the way…